Thrown out: Sandra – her casual relationship
with deadlines finally got the better of her; it turns out that hanging around, chatting,
and checking out Major Tom’s sweaty manframe, does not enable you to build a
five foot clay garden structure in seven hours – indeed it forces you to hurriedly
cut out a zigzag Teletubby tentacle to stick on the top (Dipsy’s apparently) in a desperate attempt to gain some cheaty height. Judge Kate’s face was spectacularly
unimpressed; a clay aerial is to Kate, what a baking raising
agent is to Mary Berry.
Top of the pots: Matthew again – for being brilliant,
mind. His industrial ceramic structure
was truly marvellous, and the worthy recipient of Keith’s tears.
Main make: The aforementioned five-foot garden sculpture,
which provided immediate smut-watch, as Matthew brandished a tape measure and
queried whether they didn’t mean five inches.
Spot test: Pimp My Chimney Pot. Our potters had to turn chimney pots into strawberry
pots, which have lots of holes in for the strawbs to poke through. Cue more filth
therefore, as this involved sticking appendages (snigger) over holes (snigger).
Rockabilly Jim took a risk with some deliberately messy joining – thumbprints
galore. It worked, as art at least – might be more problematic if the police were
ever after him.
Throw down: Ten minutes to make the widest
possible plate with “no sagging or flopping rims” - I mean...
Competition-watch: Matthew is probably deadlocked-head and shoulders above the rest, but Major Tom is all out for Rockabilly Jim
– we've not seen this level of naked competitiveness on the Great British Televised
Middle Class Pursuit since Kimberly Bake Off got hounded on Twitter. The testosterone was buzzzing to the degree that Major Tom decided it was better to crazy sweaty from using his MAN
strength to roll out his clay, rather than employing the specialist mangle
thing the others went for. Next stop, a Tom v Jim Women In Love-style wrestle?
In wet clay, obvs.
Smut-watch: It’s more a case of which bits weren’t
the height of lewdness at his point. Move aside baking, pottery is way ruder.
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