The Great Pottery Throw Down - 2015 - Week 3

Thrown out: Sexy vet James – Judge Keith was really upset that one of his five vases wasn’t as matchy-matchy as the others.  But we also lost Joanna, who left for personal reasons.

Top of the pots: Dready Matthew - indeed Kate wanted to snaffle one of his vases under her floral blouse.  Matthew used a technique called “sgraffito” and confidently explained that the word was where “graffiti” came from - as it originated from cavemen scratching their names and cock and ball pics into walls (or something... I paraphrase).  He then suggested the BBC fact-check that one.

Main make: Ten long-necked ‘raku’ cases. Nothing to do with hot handed massages or the recent Eurovision host with the dodgy human rights record, but rather using a dramatic outdoor oven and FIRE IN A BIN to get amazing patterns and a cracked texture on the surface of your crockery.  The potters also had to use comedy tongs to take their creations from oven to bin (think those booth machines at the fairground where you manipulate a flimsy robot hand to pick up a cuddly toy until it inevitably drops back down at the last moment), before plunging their vases into water (think a pottery Russian banya).  In short, SO MUCH CRACK POTENTIAL!  Indeed Sandra had major trouble with her tongs, and dropped a vase on to the ground.  Heartbreaking.

Keith’s tears: Fortunately Sandra was rewarded for her emotional journey and her cracked vase trauma with Keith’s weeping - he cried at her “resolve” and her five lovely vases.

Middle class pottery implement of the week: Jane created her bin fire out of manure from her family farm.  Vet James did less well, bringing what looked like a pound shop water sprayer for the raku-ing.  It promptly broke.

Spot test: Slip decoration on jugs. To be honest, I didn’t really understand what that meant, by which I mean I totally tuned out during the technical explanation-y bit and then just looked at the preeeeety designs.

Throw down: Keith threw two candlesticks, then hid them, and the potters then had to copy them. This was far more tense and entertaining than you might think.

Smut-watch: “Jugs”.