2016 GBBO Mini blog. Week 5

Pastry week

Channel 4-gate: No Mel, no Sue, and now, NO MARY!  Brexit might have divided Britain but on this it is united - Paul is a greedy traitor and it just won't be Bake Off anymore. (It's like when Keisha left the Sugababes...)  I wonder if that £25 million seems such a bargain now?  What a pavlova-ver. I imagine C4 must be in a bit of a frangipanic etc etc.

Bye bye: Val. Apparently dental floss and broom handles don't cut Mary's mustard as baking accessories.  Nor does entirely ignoring a Berry recipe in favour of making your own soggy-bottomed Bakewell tart. 

Lucky escape: Tom, for thinking dregs of Weetabix pastries (sorry "wheat biscuit") and chocolate powdered-meat would be enjoyable flavour combinations. 

Ma Baker: Glorious Candice - invoking the slightly X-Factor spirit of deceased grandmother to mask how she almost set fire to the tent. 

What did Selasi entirely wing this week: "Yeah yeah, I ate many mangos growing up in Ghana..." *inspiration suddenly dawns* "…and that's why I'm calling this my ‘Totally Didn't Just Make Up A Name On The Spot Oh No Ghanian Swirly Danish Thing’".

Generation wars: Benjamina and Selasi were not happy about the ‘Bakewell Generation’ and their perceived advantage in the Technical.  They didn't hold back from throwing shade at the "olds", did they?

Smut-watch: "It's better to be wetter" - no not Candice, but Val providing a last hurrah.  Don't worry though, Candice still makes Smut-watch; she managed references to "bashing it out" and "giving your sausages a good squeeze", as well as getting Mary to handle a truly giant black pudding. 

Baking terms-watch: Seven series later, I realise that lamination is FOLDING.  It's just folding!  Man..!

Next week: Botanical Week?!?!?!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Amazing.