Name:
Martha Twitter: @marthacollison
Distinguishing
feature solely and judgementally based on the photo: Youth. She is
17. SHE IS 17. (Seriously, how is she going to bond with Mary without legal booze rights?!)
Grossly
stereotyped middle-class credential: Martha
was the Rotary Club’s East Berkshire’s Young Chef of the
Year. She is fascinated by the science of baking, such as why choux
pastry puffs up and what goes on inside bread to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzetc.
Curveball:
Working
on the cheese counter at a supermarket and studying the
non-traditional subject of Food Technology.
Name:
Diana
Distinguishing
feature solely and judgementally based on the photo: Either adorable nan or indomitable
battle-axe prepared to use a spoon as a weapon.
Grossly
stereotyped middle-class credential: She joined the W.I. at 12, met husband, Malcolm, at a Young Farmers social event at 16
and became a W.I. judge at 20. Her main hobby is her garden.
Curveball:
oh come on! As if.
Distinguishing
feature solely and judgementally based on the photo: Hot. And taut.
Hot and taut.
Grossly
stereotyped middle-class credential: He keeps eight packs of butter
in his fridge at any one time, no doubt for baking emergencies.
He did the
Great South Run barefoot. That's without shoes, people! Without shoes!
Curveball: Doing
a night shift with a professional baker making over 900 loaves of
bread. Mass baking, tut tut tut.
Distinguishing
feature solely and judgementally based on the photo: Cheeky football bruiser.
Grossly
stereotyped middle-class credential: Luis plays the ukulele,
makes model aeroplanes and keeps bees.
Curveball: His bee-keeping
gear is Man
City branded. (Then again, who doesn't fanboy up their bee-keeping gear?)
Name: Jordan Twitter: @LaPetitLion
Distinguishing
feature solely and judgementally based on the photo: Girly Ed Byrne
in an eighties blouse-shirt. Prime candidate for Only Connect.
Grossly
stereotyped middle-class credential: Spins
his own wool and likes to perfect his embroidery (probably not a euphemism). He
has his own sourdough
starter...
Curveball: ...which he calls ‘Yorick
the Yeast'.
Name:
Iain Twitter: @iain_watters
Distinguishing
feature solely and judgementally based on the photo: Peak beard.
Grossly
stereotyped middle-class credential: Iain is passionate about organic
and vegetarian principals and lived with his twin in
a caravan in the Australian outback where they baked together and
argued daily about who was the better baker. (*And breathe*)
Curveball: Don't make me PMSL.
Name:
Claire Twitter: @bake_therapist
Distinguishing
feature solely and judgementally based on the photo: Mucky apron of which Mary won't approve. Compensated by excellent spec choice.
Grossly
stereotyped middle-class credential: Forged her signature bake as a
child. Third generation family baker.
Curveball: Takes cakes to the local slimming club. NICE.
Name:
Richard Twitter: @RichardPBurr
Distinguishing
feature solely and judgementally based on the photo: Nondescript
vaguely baldy man.
Grossly
stereotyped middle-class credential: A
keen fisher, diver and cyclist, he has his own allotment in his back
garden and volunteers for the National Wildlife Trust. He is teaching
his daughters about eco-friendly ways to help nature by building
homes for hedgehogs to hibernate in.
Curveball: Made
a Star Wars’ Millennium Falcon cake for his own
wedding day.
Name:
Norman Twitter: @normcalder
Distinguishing
feature solely and judgementally based on the photo: Older
nondescript not-so-vaguely baldy man.
Grossly
stereotyped middle-class credential: Norman
plays the clarinet and makes clocks and pottery in his own kiln which
he’s installed in a studio at home. He works in slab pottery, whatever that is.
Curveball: Claims to love his caravan and schauzer as much as his wife and children. (Subtext: more.)
Name:
Nancy Twitter: @nancybbakes
Distinguishing
feature solely and judgementally based on the photo: Something of the
Penelope Wilton. Good fringe work.
Grossly
stereotyped middle-class credential: Rears
guinea fowl and trains show dogs for Crufts.
Curveball:
Taught her
hairdresser how to bake (explains the excellent fringe).
Name:
Kate
Distinguishing
feature solely and judgementally based on the photo: Bake Off
glamour MILF. There's no way she's not into yoga.
Grossly
stereotyped middle-class credential: Runs her
own upholstery company, which “breathes new life into furniture with
various textures and colours”. Of course.
Curveball:
She
once baked a full sized 3D sculpture of her friend’s head from cake
– bet her mate was delighted when they sliced into that one with
gusto.
Name:
Chetna Twitter: @chetnamakan
Distinguishing
feature solely and judgementally based on the photo: Nervy smile. Core of steel.
Grossly
stereotyped middle-class credential: Fashion
designer who paints
“beautiful” murals on her children's walls. Eschews hair dye.
Curveball:
none apparent.
