2016 GBBO Mini blog. Week 1

Cake week

Mel & Sue Sandwich: Reverend Lee; back to cooking demos in a church in Bolton - his ganache lacked panache, and Paul couldn't forgive him for oversizing his mirror glaze.  But the real loser here is me - I had Lee in the work sweepstake.  Farewell £24 winnings.

Lucky escape #1: Val, bless her – not the sharpest blade in the Magimix?  Seriously though, little sounds more revolting than a lemonade and liqueur drizzle cake.  

Lucky escape #2: PE teacher/lipstick fan Candice had a rubber-sponged shocker.  But we can’t lose Candice yet!  Not only is she part of a potential tent romance with Selasi (#salacioustotallymadeupgossip), but her post-cake drop exclamation of "MOTHER HUGGER!" was brilliant - clearly training adolescent girls to play hockey teaches you to suppress even the juiciest swears.

Lucky escape #3: At one point, I honestly thought we were heading for Freezergate Two.

Ma Baker: Jane beat out Redhead Andrew and Banker/Biker Selasi.  Even though he took the credit for Candice's idea to add forgotten cinnamon to his drizzle (we’ll put that down to his budding crush), I think Selasi could be the oxymoron that is a ‘likeable banker’…

Smut-watch: Who had Perkins during first five minutes? Good old Sue, proclaiming "ultimate moistness" at 20.03.  The (innocent) winner, though, was Nice Kate, she of the swallows obsession - "I like the flavour of a Cox".  Too much.

Blue plaster-watch: Rav. 8.06pm.

Unusual ingredient-watch: “Really, you’ve never heard of yuzu?” NO RAV, NO-ONE HAS.  A cross between lemon and lime apparently.  Perhaps that could have saved Tom's G&T drizzle cake - even too boozy for Bezza. (Whaaat?!)

Phrases you don’t hear for a year: “Gingham altar”

Is it just me or…: Have Mel & Sue have started to run out of links?

Über-geek observation: Benjamina's sister has the Kathryn zebra scarf in red.  AS DO I.

Next time: Gingerbread structure collapse week.

(* Or "MOTHER HUBBARD" as I originally heard...) 

2016 GBBO contestants

1. 25 year old Andrew is a Norn Iron Rolls-Royce aerospace engineer who went to Cambridge. Andrew is designing a baguette concorde. 

2. Benjamina is a 23 year old Economics grad and Sarf Londoner.  She follows online cake fashions, which I’d be wary of telling Mary, who must surely believe all bake knowledge can only come from a book. Her book. (Shove it, Delia.)

3. North London PE teacher Candice grew up in pubs, so Bezza will be right in there.  Candice has a pug called Dennis and bakes in jammies or new heels.

4. Beckenham woman Jane, 61, designs gardens for a living and owns a leopard print apron.  Macarons are her nemesis.

5. Kate, 37 (such a youthful age these days) is a Norfolk farmer’s daughter and qualified nurse, so the blue plasters will be safe in her hands.  She enjoys a seasonal fruit.

6. Builder turned pastor Lee is 67.  We’re told “he doesn’t veer too far from the norm but does enjoy a taste of the exotic every now and again”, so Norman mark two?  One can only hope. #lavendergate #stillhurts

7. Michael is a Durham Uni politics student who bakes cakes in his student house in the early hours of the morning.  Normal cakes, of course. Normal cakes baked at 2am.  Totally totally normal cakes.

8. Rav, 28, is from Erith and likes vegan baking.  I suspect Sue will spend minimal time at his station.

9. 30 year old Selasi is originally from Ghana.  He’s a biker with his own motorcycle club, but also enjoys a delicate cupcake.  Name me a biker who doesn't.

10. Tom, 26, works in the arts and resides in trendy East London – this helpfully explains why his hobby is 'making his own cheese and salami'.  He and his wife also “like to make a real event out of every dinner time”, which doesn’t make them sound unbearable at all, oh no.  He’s recently lost 30 kilos though, so here’s my grudging respect.

11. Louise, 46, recently trekked around the Andes.  She is a Welsh hairdresser, which bodes super well in terms of reality TV vintage (Big Brother Helen, Charleine off the Apprentice).

12. Retired primary Head Val says she can make the classics with her eyes closed, so will clearly butcher a vicky sponge in week one.  Apparently she can often be found doing aerobics in her kitchen whilst she waits for her jam to boil or her bread to prove.  In the tent of course, she'll find herself desperately staring at an oven, grapevines the furthest thing from her mind.