2015 GBBO mini blog. Week 4

Desserts week.

Bye bye: Oh Saaaaandy (to misquote Manilow/Westlife) you came and you... etc etc. At least we'll always have that David Attenborough impression and a not-at-all-veiled chat about wobbly bums with Sue.  She was also one of a rare breed to work a mullet. 

Ma Baker: An Ian hat trick. Will he sustain it? I hope so, as I love his rather camp and genuinely delighted victory speeches. "I want to do a dance on the train and go yesss, meeee! Humble meeeee!"

Smutwatch: Alvin's edible pansies. 

EDIBLE PANSIES.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A level of potential filth so high that Sue clearly had to be forcibly removed from the tent whilst Mel dug deep to interview AlvinSimonTheodore with the straightest of faces.

#GBBOfav: AlvinSimonTheodore is totes my favourite by the way. He's completely adorable. Though I love Nadiya too. And Ugne. And, oh all of them.

Mel'n'Sue sabotage of the week: Mel decided to wear Flora's food as bracelets.

Foreign fun: the Swiss and French meringue-based 'Spanish Windtorte' (which is actually Austrian). Mel's eyes must have popped out at the accent bonanza prospect. Bonus points for enabling fart jokes. 

Next time: 'Free from' week - including sugarless cake. Durrrr, what is the point?!

2015 GBBO mini blog. Week 3

Bread week.

Bye bye: Dorret - to no-one's surprise, really. There's experimental and then there's baking Tracey Emin's bed in bread, which is officially the worst idea ever. Nothing says 'unappetising' like an unmade bed covered in fag butts and indeterminate sex stains. Not even fresh bread can save that hot mess of a concept. 

Lucky escape: Fireman Mat, who was surely, and quite rightly, saved by his "dough-verload" pun. *applause* 

Ma Baker: Ian again, for a bready pot plant, no less. But it was silver haired Simon-Pegg-alike Paul who got the first Hollywood handshake. And that was before we'd seen his phenomenal lion bread, for which he got a "special commendation", a thing the producers clearly made up to please Paul Hollywood, uncharacteristically über-impressed by the doughy Cecil (RIP).

Tent gone mad: Baking powder deemed acceptable!!!?!?!! Despite sniffing out the raising agent, Mary rated Ugne's soda bread. (She must have been drunk - the only possible explanation. Then again, isn't Bezza always drunk?)

Nadiya Face Watch: 

 Amazing work. 

Next week: Desserts. Brûlée olé olé.

2015 GBBO mini blog. Week 2

Biscuit week.

Bye bye: Noooooo! I thought the older hilarious Scot (AKA She-Norman) would make it all the way after last week's triumph!  Fare ye well Marie. The tactic of "if I'm missing a biscuit, I'll just have to say I ate it" was probably never going to please Paul 'the male judge' Hollywood though. 

Lucky escape: Dorret - again. Coming unexpectedly first in the Technical saved her from Mary's crazed wrath after she dared use pre-cut frog moulds. Using pre-cut moulds is clearly the new using shop-bought fondant. A serious tent no no.

How did 19 year old Flora overachieve this week: Both knowing about and achieving lamination (and not the satisfying plasticising kind). Perhaps she learned from one of her "hundreds of French cookbooks" or one of her many jaunts through Italy, as so many other 19 year olds will have too.

Berry fashionable: The bomber was back, with a kimono-style print and fancy patchwork quilt style stitching. Never change Bezza. Never change. Well, until your jacket needs a dry clean, obvz. 

Best use of biscuit: FIRE ENGINE BICCIE BOX! Neee nawww neeee nawwww. It nearly broke my heart when Paul snapped into the ladder. 

Most preposterously unusual ingredient of the week: The physalis berry. At least hot Dr Tamal had the awareness to admit and mock it. Though by the way, the pretentiousness of using the berry has nothing on the pretentiousness of its Wikipedia page...

How many weeks did it take for Sue to sabotage a contestant's entry this year? Two weeks.

Next week: Paul gets to be furious about under and overproved bread. 

2015 GBBO mini blog. Week 1

Cake week. 

Bye bye: Music dude with pointy metal collar triangles. (I have an eight week old baby, so names and the correct term for dickish accessories are beyond me at this point - there's a different kind of soggy bottom ruling my life.) 

Lucky escape: Dorret's Black Forest collapsed into a chocolate bog which didn't even taste that great. Like "rubber". Gee, thanks Paul.

(Stuart! The loser's name was Stuart! Go me, blogging this at 3am and remembering stuff! Mary was also way harsh for week one, essentially calling him a pompous try hard.)

Middle class gauntlet thrown: 19 year old (allegedly) Flora used blood oranges, forgot to turn on her oven as she's got an Aga at home (though, erm, I have, embarrassingly been there) and the nose-around-your-home section featured her sister on a unicycle. 

SISTER ON A UNICYCLE. 

So yeah... That. 

Best baker name: Dorret can't beat out Alvin (mainly for the ear worm: Alvin, Simon, (pause) Theodore).  

Most blatant attempt at brown-nosing Mary: a gin and tonic cake. 

Calling the winner now: Marie v Nadiya. 

Next week: biccies.