Great British Sewing Bee. Series 3. Week 3 mini blog.

Sew long, farewell: Lovely Neela.  It’s a tough crowd this year, and Neela just didn’t have speedier sewing skills that many of the others do.

The Pattern task: ‘Walkaway’ dresses, where fifties housewives got the pattern in the morning and could ‘walk away’ in the dress by lunchtime (or so goes the theory – this would NEVER work in the glorious age of Buzzfeed listicles).  The boys were much better at walking away in a neatly sewn dress, with Ryan winning and the rest of the men taking the top slots.  Come on laydeez!

The Alteration task: The sewers transformed fairly hideous floral curtains into rather amazing ball gowns, skirts, girl’s dresses, and so on.  Ultimately, this was nothing more than an excuse to play orchestral versions of numbers from The Sound of Music.

The Sew-stopper task: Sheer blouses.  A nightmare task, all see-through pussy bows and exposed seams.  They looked - let’s be honest – a teeny teeny bit shonky.

Garment Of The Week: Lorna’s sheer blouse - less fussy than the others and far neater.  Finally Lorna steps out of her always-the-bridesmaid role!  She remains one to watch, though all the boys looked strong this week too (I'm delighted, as I have Neil in the office sweepstake).

Nosey intrusion into the Bees’ homelife:  Mrs Neil has a cavalier attitude to the ball dresses her husband made her.  One wear, then straight in the bin.  Oh, the eighties...

Next week: KILTS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Great British Sewing Bee. Series 3. Week 2 mini blog.

Sew long, farewell: Sweet but highly-strung Alex - too much of a perfectionist to get anything finished.  Look out Patrick, you’re about to receive a million perfectly formed tiny waistcoats in the post, as Alex proves she CAN make what they ask her.

The Pattern task: Rosy-cheeked Ryan won the creepiest task of the week – making a fancy tweed waistcoat for a child mannequin.  Of course, Ryan is basically a child himself, so that did give him an advantage.

The Alteration task: Yellow t-shirts and summer dresses became a truly impressive array of children’s clothes.  Air hostess Lorna was bridesmaid AGAIN, with a dress perfect for little girl attending Pina Colada hour.  However, it was Lieutenant Colonel Neil who won through, with a Miami Vice does boxing inspired combo.  Patrick was uncharacteristically jubilant, singing Bugsy Malone and wishing his hands were teeny enough to wear yellow Lycra boxing gloves. "This is the coolest thing I've seen in my whole life", he declared.  The lack of beard is having an unexpected effect.

The Showstopper task: (Or whatever it’s called.)  Amazing 3D children’s costumes – peacocks, inch worms, foxes, flappers...  And an opportunity for Sewing Bee to give Bake Off a run for its smutty money, with talk of “stuffing”, “boning” and “blue booby”.

Garment Of The Week: Paul snuck in with his ‘Elephant Ballerina’. 

Fashionistory: Waistcoats were invented after the civil war as a V-sign to French luxury couture.  Well, take that, 17th century Dior.

Nosey intrusion into the Bees’ homelife:  Not content to defy sewing stereotyping with his army role, Neil has apparently also produced two rugby-playing sons, so strapping and glossy they must surely be on the brink of modelling jobs with Ralph Lauren or joining One Direction.   I also enjoyed Paul’s mum’s cardigan pride, scoring major friend envy points with her son’s knitting skills.

Next week: Sewing, 1950s style.

Great British Sewing Bee. Series 3. Week 1 mini blog.

Sew long, farewell: Annie the Scottish dairy farmer, of piggy pincushion fame, was the first to get stitched up (BOOM BOOM!).  She seemed a Norman-from-Bake-Off-like hoot, but Patrick just couldn't get in board with her wafty sleeves.  Still, she left with the finest exit line to date: "Never mind, we'll still name one of our calves after you". Claudia went into delighted meltdown.

One to watch #1: Air hostess glamazon Lorna nailed all three tasks, fearlessly making garishly ace patterned trews, very nearly winning the battle of the denim shirt to denim skirt transformation, and finishing up with a gorge poppy dress that I would very much like to own, thank you please.

One to watch #2: Lieutenant-Colonel Neil demonstrated military precision and time management - and duly was rewarded with Garment Of The Week, even though his fashion choices were... brave.  It's a confident woman who'd opt for those shocking pink trousers and a cocktail dress with the sides cut out, but apparently Mrs Lieutenant-Colonel Neil is such a gal.  Good on her.

Alex-watch: I thought Alex, and her giant earrings, would be a terrifying Romanian fembot, but she's actually hilarious.  I would never have pegged her as the one who'd go full Madonna puffball skirt in the alteration challenge, especially after her disdain for floral trousers.

Matt's hands: are too big to pin pins.  So he has to use stones.

A one-off update on Patrick's facial hair: It's official, he's sticking with a perfectly groomed 'tache. We mourn the perfectly groomed beard.

Next week: Children’s tailoring, including waistcoats (which is a concern: small boys in waistcoats creep me out).